‘Just you wait’ and other things people love to say to scare new parents

Stephanie Ockhuysen is a reporter and columnist based in New Plymouth.

OPINION: If I had listened to every negative story or opinion about being a parent, it would have scared me off ever having children of my own.

It started as soon as I became pregnant and hasn’t stopped since.

Just you wait, they say.

You think you’re tired now, this is nothing, just you wait until the baby’s here and wakes up ten times a night.

READ MORE:
* The case for not having kids: Why women are putting the conversation on ice
* How to survive mother’s day when it’s the worst day of the year
* What (not) to say when your kid comes out to you

Then the baby arrives, and it’s you think this is hard? Just you wait until they’re crawling and everything in your house is going to have to be moved up.

Next it’s “just you wait, you’re in trouble when they start walking”.

In amongst all of this people, including complete strangers on the street, love to tell you if they think your child is hot, cold, hungry, tired, or teething.

If someone does share a positive experience it can be met with a “well that won’t last long”.

It’s like people want you to be on edge at all times.

Don’t get me wrong, having kids is hard and in no way should we downplay that. It’s perhaps the most challenging thing you’ll ever do. But it’s also the most rewarding.

I am here to tell you, if you are thinking of having kids, trying to get pregnant, are currently pregnant, or in the trenches as a new parent, there are so many positives to come.

Like the way their smile makes everything better.

Or the sound of their laugh being one you’ll want to play on repeat.

As they discover new things and conquer a new milestone your heart will melt with pride.

And when they cuddle into you when they go shy in a new place you’ll thank your lucky stars they chose you to be their person.

Kids make hard days easier because if they are happy and healthy, what else really matters?

Each day my son’s personality develops more, and I get to witness the little person he is becoming.

He’s cheeky, hilarious, caring, and a real boundary tester.

At first the feeling of new responsibility of this tiny life sent me in to multiple meltdowns.

Looking back now I wish I could go back and tell that poor scared new-mum version of me all the joy and fun she was about to experience and how the responsibility is actually a privilege.

That joy, that fun and that privilege is the story parents should make a effort to share. Sure the horror stories are entertaining to tell, but they’re not the whole story.

It’s these stories that are currently throwing a friend of mine into crisis about whether she should even have kids, because all she knows are the downsides.

That you’ll get no sleep, you’ll never have any time to yourself, your body will change in ways you never imagined, and that you’re constantly finding yourself renegotiating your relationship with your partner.

She describes it as a sinking feeling of dread about giving her current life up.

Occasionally people will give you a “but it’s all worth it”, but rarely does anyone elaborate further than that.

Having opinions thrown at you is unfortunately part of the parenting package. For the most part people think they are being helpful, but their stories are rarely making your parenting journey any easier.

Becoming a mother has changed my life completely and in the best possible way.

My parenting advice (which I acknowledge isn’t worth much as I’m figuring this all out as I go) is to ignore all horror stories people love to share. Just because that is their experience, doesn’t mean it will be yours.

Know that it will be hard, but you will get through it, and when that little face looks at you and says “mama”, well, you’ll forget all that hard stuff in an instant.

Stephanie Ockhuysen is a reporter and columnist based in New Plymouth.